hawaii

About a decade ago Ayelet Waldman wrote “Motherlove” – a controversial essay that ignited a firestorm and outraged those in the parenting community. The piece (reprinted in the New York Times column “Modern Love”) explored the nature of intimate spousal relationships and set forth a simple premise, one that was hard for some to digest. Waldman wrote that her children were not the center of her world, that “they were satellites, beloved but tangential.” That was the controversial part. Though Waldman proclaimed her love for her four children, she said “if you focus all of your emotional passion on your children and you neglect the relationship that brought that family into existence... eventually, things can go really, really wrong.”

Now don’t worry, things aren’t dire on this end, but I have been thinking a lot about how to balance life’s demands, which include work, marriage and motherhood. I don’t agree with all of Waldman’s points (Otis and Theo, you’re not satellites to me!), but there are parts of her essay that resonated with me. I agree with the idea that marriages need nurturing, and in our fast-paced world, quality time can be elusive.

Raising children has lots of rewards, but it can also be exhausting. I love my boys dearly, but by the end of the day I’m spent and it seems like the only thing I have energy for is scrolling through Pinterest (or some other activity that doesn’t require a lot of brain power). Once I pick those little energized bunnies up from school there’s cooking to do, books to read, baths to take, lots of cleaning (I’m very particular), laundry to be folded, and I’ve got to identify and remove the foul and mysterious odors emanating from the car. By the time everything is done it’s about 10 p.m. and I’ve got very little gas left in the tank, no pun intended.

Look, this is part of the life I wanted and it’s what I signed up for. However, I have come to recognize the need to reorganize things a bit and shift priorities a little. I definitely need more quality time with my husband. It’s sometimes hard to carve out the hours needed to reconnect and remind us why we decided to couple in the first place. But where’s there’s a will, there’s a way!

With that in mind….

You can probably imagine how excited I was to be surprised by a childfree trip to Hawaii!!!  It came at a welcome time AND it coincided with my 40^th birthday.

Matt worked hard to put the entire vacation together. He “cashed in” thousands of hotel points and miles, snagged rooms at fantastic hotels (relaxation!) and secured a coveted reservation for a cabin inside Halaekala’s crater (adventure!). He coordinated with his parents (who flew across the country) and they provided kid-coverage while we were gone. He arranged our free flights, including first class tickets for the trans-Pacific leg of our trip (unlimited mimosas!), and he did it all without my knowledge. Well, until I spotted a hotel reservation in my inbox. Whoops! (It happened because he used some of my miles too.)

So what can I say about our adventure?

It was spectacular. We relaxed and we connected. We found off-the-beaten-path spots and ate incredible food. I had a fabulous birthday dinner and we went whale watching. We drove the Road to Hana in a jeep (roof down!) and we drank our body weight in Tangelo juice.

But perhaps my favorite part of the trip was the three days we spent hiking inside Haleakala’s crater-- off the grid, without cell service, computers, or distractions. I couldn’t get over how quiet it was and at times we felt like we were the only ones there, though we did come across a couple of Nene birds and some Hawaiian cowboys (see below). We took in the beauty of Hawaii’s black sand dunes and pink volcanic cones. And we hiked out of the crater under the moonlight in order to catch sunrise peaking above the clouds, something on my bucket list which I had always wanted to do. The trip was restorative and adventurous. We felt intrepid and connected. Now I just have to figure out how to incorporate those things into our day-to-day, because one can’t live life on vacation J

Here’s to a well-balanced life!

xx,

Batya

Food:

steamboat springs (the aspen show)

When I was growing up, my favorite tree was a Japanese Maple in my parents’ backyard. Every September the tree put on a show and its leaves would turn the most brilliant shade of red before they fell to the ground. Some people lament the end of summer and view fall as a harbinger of the cold winter to come. But I love the cycle of the seasons and see September and October as a time for renewal and introspection, which might not be such a coincidence since I grew up in a household that took Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur (the Jewish New Year and Day of Atonement) very seriously.

In Denver, the day time temperatures have been really warm (maybe even a bit unseasonal) but the nights have already turned cool. It’s sit-on-the-porch-and-watch-the-stars-while-drinking-a-glass-of-red-wine sort of weather. And as much as I love fall in the city, it’s up in the mountains where the season really shines. Groves of Quaking Aspens have started to turn their bright yellow, gold and orange hues. The colonies look like streaks going down the mountain and lend a shock of color to an otherwise green pine backdrop… basically, it’s an arborist's dream.

Last weekend, while my husband was celebrating his 40th birthday out-of-town with a group of childhood friends (all of whom are reaching the milestone this year), I took the boys on what I hope will become an annual pilgrimage to Steamboat Springs. I’ve been feeling more intrepid, adventurous and confident as a mother, so I didn’t think twice about taking this solo-parenting vacation. Severe temper tantrums are becoming a thing of the past, which means my nerves are less shot and I’m better able to deal with minor behavior issues. On this trip, thankfully, there were none.

We hiked for hours around Fish Creek Falls, drove down the most bucolic country roads, soaked in the hot mineral springs at Strawberry Park ($10 adult/ $5 kids) and even dined out...

A friend of mine calls this phase—one where your children are no longer babies, no longer depend on you for every function and are able to keep their emotions in check—as being “out of the woods.” And I truly feel like we’ve overcome some of the hardest challenges of raising children for the past few years.

The trip to the mountains was restorative. 

I found myself thinking about the Japanese Maple tree in the yard of my childhood home, and within a few minutes of hiking through the Aspens, Otis turned to me and said, “I think we should plant a few of these in our front yard.” I totally agreed.

Wishing you wonderful autumn adventures,

xx, 

Batya

gunnison's black canyon + ina's salted caramel nuts (perfect for hiking, the holidays, or any other time!)

Some of my fondest memories of childhood are those of the travels we did together as a family. There were trips overseas, an Amtrak ride from New York to Orlando, and a vacation whereby we drove down California's coastal Highway 1. But my favorite had to be the “Great Stepelman Family Road Trip of ’86.” We flew to Phoenix, rented a motor home, and my dad drove us around the Southwest for a few weeks. My brother and I  had a blast discovering New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado and Utah. It was really the first time I saw the beauty of our National Parks system and I knew one day I'd be back…(and here we are!).

Travel and exploration are things Otis and Theodore enjoy too, and we had every intention of heading south this fall. But after a failed Aspen weekend - immediately followed by a stellar Rocky Mountain excursion- Matt and I decided we should end our hiking season on a positive note. We took a moment to think about whether or not a trip to Gunnison's Black Canyon was a good idea, and determined that the lengthy car ride plus the strenuous hiking inside the canyon should be saved for next spring or early fall. The boys would be almost a year older by then and better equipped to deal with the trip...

On the weekend following my husband’s birthday, I gave him the gift I knew he really wanted: 5 days of solitude. Unlike me, an extrovert who craves only minimal alone time, Matt loves having time to himself and he found peace and quiet in Colorado's Black Canyons. I can't wait to see this canyon in person (it took about 2 million years for the river to shape the steepest cliffs and oldest rocks in North America)…and who knows, maybe the trip to the canyon will become one of our children's  fondest memories…

Here are Matt's photos...

A few weeks ago, my friend Jayme and I went to hear Ina Garten speak at the Paramount Theater in Denver. I loved listening to her talk about her transition from policy paper-pusher at the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to food gourmand and business owner. I've always credited Ina as the person who got me inspired to cook unfussy seasonal dishes that are big on flavor, so it was interesting to hear how her recipes go from concept to print. 
Anyway, this recipe for Salted Caramel Nuts comes from Ina's most recent cookbook "Make It Ahead"- which, if you couldn't guess, really works well with my current lifestyle.

A caveat for those of you making this snack at altitude: watch your caramel closely, as it boils faster at higher elevations (like Denver). I had to throw out the first batch before getting it right in the second go-round, so don't take your eyes off the stove! 

Enjoy!

xo, 

Batya

Salted Caramel Nuts from Make It Ahead by Ina Garten, via the Barefoot Contessa

Makes 8 cups

Ingredients

1 cup each whole roasted salted cashews, whole large pecan halves, whole unsalted almonds, and whole walnut halves (4 cups total) 


1½ cups sugar 


2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract 


2 teaspoons kosher salt 


1 teaspoon fleur de sel

Preparation

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. 



Combine the nuts on a sheet pan, spread them out, and roast them for 7 minutes, until they become fragrant. Set aside to cool. 



After the nuts are cooled, place the sugar and ¼ cup of water in a medium (10-inch) sauté pan and mix with a fork until all of the sugar is moistened. Cook over medium-high heat until the sugar melts—from this point on, don’t stir the caramel, swirl the pan! Don’t worry—the mixture may look as though it’s crystallizing. Continue to cook for 5 to 10 minutes, until the mixture becomes a clear golden brown, swirling the pan constantly at the end. (Careful—the caramel is very hot!)

Off the heat, quickly add the vanilla (it will bubble up!) and swirl the pan to combine. Working quickly (the caramel will continue to cook in the pan), add the nuts and the kosher salt and toss with 2 large spoons until the nuts are completely coated. 



Pour the nuts and any extra caramel in the pan onto a sheet pan lined with parchment paper. Spread the nuts out in one layer, pulling them apart with two forks. Sprinkle with the fleur de sel and set aside to cool. When they’re completely cooled, carefully break the nuts into large clusters with your hands, trying not to break the nuts too much. 

fall hiking in colorado + farmhand's choice granola

Walk away quietly in any direction and taste the freedom of the mountaineer. Camp out among the grasses and gentians of glacial meadows, in craggy garden nooks full of nature's darlings.

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings, Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.  

Fresh beauty opens one's eyes wherever it is really seen, but the very abundance and completeness of the common beauty that besets our steps prevents its being absorbed and appreciated. It is a good thing, therefore, to make short excursions now and then to the bottom of the sea among dulse and coral, or up among the clouds on mountain-tops, or in balloons, or even to creep like worms into dark holes and caverns underground, not only to learn something of what is going on in those out-of-the-way places, but to see better what the sun sees on our return to common everyday beauty.

- John Muir

My mother always told me to, “try try again” and more often than not those words would be accompanied by the story of the “Little Engine That Could.” I don’t believe in perfection, but I do believe in improvement, determination and getting back up. 

Though our most recent trip to Aspen didn’t go according to plan, I wasn’t going to let one failed vacation deter us from attempting another adventure. So last weekend we loaded up the car and drove west, and then north, in pursuit of mountains, roaring rivers and bugling elk. We found them all…

Enjoy your autumn adventures wherever they make take you. And if at first you don't succeed, try try again. 

xo,

Batya

Rocky Mountain National Park  (Bear Lake trailhead to Nymph Lake/Dream Lake/Emerald Lake.  The Kawuneeche Valley. Trail Ridge Road.)

Guanella Pass 

Trails near Georgetown, Colorado

* * *

A few months ago our friends Ori + Jenn came to visit us in Denver. In addition to bringing their two young daughters - Olive (3) and Sophie (5 months)- they also brought treats. 
By treats I mean really good treats like  Stumptown coffee and chocolate babka from Russ and Daughters, a NYC landmark known for its appetizing spreads and babka- which might very well be the best in the world. They also brought a giant bag of homemade granola that I couldn't stop eating. Below is the recipe for that granola…(perfect for fall hikes or most any other time). 

Farmhand's Choice Granola (Courtesy of  Brooklyn's Early Bird Foods Nekisia Davis via Martha Stewart)

Yield: Makes about 7 cups 

                Ingredients

                3 cups old-fashioned rolled oats

                1 cup raw pumpkin seeds, hulled

                1 cup raw sunflower seeds, hulled

                1 cup coconut chips

                1 1/4 cup raw pecans, coarsely chopped

                3/4 cup pure maple syrup, preferably Grade A

                1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil

                1/2 cup packed light-brown sugar (you can also use coconut sugar)

                Coarse salt

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

Place oats, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, coconut, pecans, syrup, olive oil, sugar, and 1 teaspoon salt in a large bowl and mix until well combined. Spread granola mixture in an even layer on a rimmed baking sheet. Transfer to oven and bake, stirring every 10 minutes, until granola is toasted, about 45 minutes.

Remove granola from oven and season with salt. Let cool completely before serving or storing in an airtight container for up to 1 month.

maroon bells, aspen (the good, the bad, and the ugly)

For months I had been looking forward to our Aspen trip. It had been two years since we last visited and this vacation was going to be epic. We, the Bermans, were going to take Aspen by storm! I had grand plans for our mountain getaway: we would eat fabulous food, pick up fresh pastries and fruits at the Saturday market, hike through Maroon Bells for hours, browse the shops, and spend quality time inside the new Aspen Art Museum (which happens to be designed by the Japanese architect Shigeru Ban, the Pritzker Prize winner and also one of my favorite dwelling builders). Yup, like I said, it was gonna be epic!

The drive up to Aspen went well. We made it in good time (under 4 hours with minimal traffic on I-70), and a pit stop in Vail for dinner helped break up the ride. By the time we got to the hotel both kids were asleep and the transfer from car to hotel room went smoothly…

And then, in the morning, things took a turn for the worse. 
Medium-intensity meltdowns during breakfast ballooned into full-blown tantrums by lunchtime. But I was undeterred. We were going hiking! It was gonna be epic! So we boarded a bus and everything was calm, that is, until we disembarked. By the time we got to the lake—that famous one right in front of Maroon Bells — it seemed like no one wanted to listen to instructions. Both kids kept putting their shoes in the water despite our pleas (I didn’t have replacements) and then the fighting began. Trying to distract them I said, “Look at the mountains! Look at the lake!” But nothing was working…

After some deep breathing everyone was calm again and we set out for Crater Lake, a hike that is just under 4 miles round-trip. We were only about ¼ of the way into the trail when it became clear to everyone (at least to Matt and me) that this just wasn’t going to work the way we (I) planned. My seasoned, veteran hikers had other plans.

After another tantrum, and a few frustrated utterances by me, Matt decided to lead the boys back down the mountain and bring them back to the hotel. It was really nice of him to do, but my guess is that he probably felt he “owed me one” since he was going to San Francisco and then to Reno for a job related convention that would leave me with the kids for 5 days by myself, without backup. This was going to be my only chance at a break for a little bit, so I took it…

I climbed – alone –  for about 2 hours until I was joined by a group of chipmunks (my granola was leaking from my backpack). The leaves were gorgeous and the hike was spectacular. When I got back to the hotel, we all went swimming and then spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing. Instead of a fancy Aspen dinner we went to a restaurant where we ate relatively decent enchiladas and burritos. We then leisurely walked around the historic parts of town, and went to the playground. It was simple and unambitious; the kids loved it.

I mention all this because from the photos I have of our trip you’d never know there were, ahem, issues. I think it's important to be honest, especially in this forum. All too often things look picture-perfect, and more often than not they aren't. I also bring up our tribulations because I feel like I learned a valuable lesson. I, as a parent, have to adjust my expectations. I sometimes demand a lot from my kids—that’s fine and I hope in the long run it’s good for them. But mixed in with all the expectation there has to be the realization and the admission that I must not push them too hard. They need down time and a lot of rest. They can’t always be on the go, sit still for long meals, or hike for hours. I need to roll with the punches a little bit more. It’s really not fair to treat them as adults, because they aren’t—they are only 5 and 3 years old.

That said, we will continue to expose them to things we deem “adultish”- like this State’s beauty and great hiking. We will continue to take them to museums and foster their creativity. We will bring them to rallies and try to explain why it’s important to be engaged. And we will keep taking them on trips that have less ambitious itineraries. No, Aspen didn’t turn out to be the picture perfect vacation I thought it would be. But looking back it was still wonderful, especially after I adjusted my expectations…

My favorite photo from the trip? This one of Theodore sitting at a table in a Himalayan/Indian/Nepalese restaurant in Silverthorne, Colorado. Taken by his brother Otis.